The Olympics came to a close last Sunday in a blaze of lumberjacks, fur trappers, dancing Mounties, and giant beavers and moose. A fairly typical Sunday evening in Canada but quite a spectacle for anyone not used to our quaint traditions.
We love the Olympics - both summer and winter - because we get to see young men and women who have invested so much time and effort for this one opportunity to be their best on the world stage. Oh, and the outfits. We looooove the outfits. Some are about form following function (speed skating, skiing), some are a nod to the culture of the sport (snowboarding), and some just fall into the “what the f….?” category.
Herewith, a cavalcade of Olympic sport fashion, the year of our lord 2010.
Luge
The only thing better than an angry beaver coming at you at 80 MPH…
(insert your own gags here - with material like this they write themselves)
…is a magical unicorn?
Japan may need to revisit its ‘spirit animal’ strategy before Sochi in 2014.
Skiing
Speaking of helmets… Girl, no matter what your jail-time-doin’ daddy told you, you aren’t a princess. You’re 26 honey. Time to let go.
Speed Skating
They say all these black patches are supposed to reduce drag and make you even speedier than your thunderous quads and glutes already do. We’re not sure about that, but we are surprised to see Flight of the Conchords’ Bret McKenzie winning gold for Canada, seeing as he’s a kiwi and all.
Shani Davis did really well in his version of the supersuit.
Snowboard
Snowpants that look like baggy jeans (the wags at Gawker dubbed them ‘Jowpants’). That plaid is pretty terrible too. Reminds us of the family breakfast nook circa 1973. Enough said.
Skating
Skating fashion never lets us down. We like that about skating, even if we’re not particularly fond of the sport itself. This time we had an extra dash of racial/cultural insensitivity to add to the slurry. Thanks Russia! We knew we could count on you.
At least Kevin van der Perren will be able to wear this again at Hallowe’en.
And what is Lysacek supposed to be?
The Crow?
Blackadder?
And no, we aren’t going to cite Johnny Weir since he seems to have shown up in his street clothes.
The secret, as always, is for you to wear the outfit and not let the outfit wear you. Who knew it would be up to the Norwegians to remind us of that valuable lesson?
