27th
Air Travel Past and Future
Thanks to the Testicle Bomber (“O Testicle Bomber, O Testicle Bomber, how crispy is your nut sac?”), air travel will be that much more unpleasant for the foreseeable future. In case anyone needs a reminder of how far we have fallen when it comes to air travel, let us compare visions of the past and future.
The Past: Behold the world of the 1950s “Stratocruiser”. Canapes, martinis, and room enough to cross your legs and read a full-size newspaper. Stewardesses are friendly and seem to enjoy what they do for a living.
The Future: Once through the full-body scan and cavity search that is the first round of security, all our clothing and belongings are confiscated for the duration of the flight. We are issued one adult diaper (+ one extra if the flight is over 5 hours long), one Slanket/Snuggie and 1-2 Percocet (or other potent narcotic of choice). All passengers are thus rendered comatose for the duration of the flight.
The middle photo in the montage above is misleading: we will not be smiling let alone conscious. Don’t even think of reaching for that electronic device. Your Slanket/Snuggie may well turn that lovely shade of brown however, depending on the load in your adult diaper.
Happy new year and happy travels to all.
